Even when the disease behind us can be difficult to fully believe that we are really healthy. Why are we so holding on to the disease?

"You are healthy". Veronica, who had suffered a stroke to 48 years old, was happy to finally hear these words from her attending neurologist. But … I could not fully believe him. “Although the MRI shows that everything is in order with me, I walk all the time like a razor's blade,” she admits. – What if it will happen again? Can I live as before and how to protect myself from stress?"The doctor’s words were not enough for Veronica to" transfer "herself from the status of the patient to the status of a healthy one and concentrated on restoration after illness. For doctors, recovery means the disappearance of symptoms and signs of the disease, but for the patient everything is different. Whether he will feel recovered and when – depends on many different factors. Short or long, for everyone it is always a difficult path – but where and where?

In alliance with the disease

“I lived for many years without letting go of the inhaler’s hands,” says 35-year-old Irina, who has suffered from asthma since childhood. – Until recently, a laser acupuncture course

has recently passed, after which the attacks almost stopped ”. But even a few months later, Irina still continues to do several inhalations a day. When the inhaler ends, she, as before, experiences panic. “I can’t free myself from fear that a new attack will happen,” she says. – Astma – as if part of me ".

It is difficult to get rid of the shadow of the disease when it is inseparable for years, almost merged together. The effect of the mirror arises: "I mix myself and my illness, I am her". Abandon her – as if to abandon a part of yourself. And sometimes – also abandon some benefits that the disease brings with him. For example, a person is not ready to recover, because then he will have to return to the work that he hates. Or his disease is the only thing that still saves the family from decay. Someone allows the disease to get attention and care that he lacked when he was healthy. Finally, in illness you can hide with shame. “Since I am sick, I'm not so ashamed that I do not live up to someone else’s expectations or not the same high bar that I put in front of myself,” explains the psychology of the patient Gestalt therapist Marina Baskakova. – I did not defend the dissertation, did not make a career not because I could not do it or is not capable, but because I was sick. It turns out that the pain from shame can be worse than physical pain ".